Listening - a critical competence
“Listening ( the first competence of leadership) is not a skill, it is a discipline. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut”
Peter Drucker
Like Drucker, I believe that active listening is a critical Leadership competence which pertains at all levels of an organisation.
Active listening is paying close attention, avoiding the urge to interrupt and being patient to learn what the speaker is saying. The goal of active listening is to understand instead of just to listen.
During our daily lives we will listen in many ways and not all of this listening needs to be active.
We may listen to the radio in the morning – passive
We listen to your family’s banter getting ready for the day – passive and likely participative
Listening to our daughter/ son’s/ partners worry about the day – ideally active
Attending meetings for work – mix of passive and active
1:1 meeting with your boss – hopefully active on both sides but often may be a mix of active and passive
Evening dinner table - passive and likely participative but you may tune in to some aspects in an active way
Pre bed time – often the most useful time for some active listening with children of all ages
Below are the steps to active listening :
Giving your full attention to the speaker, maybe facing them or walking alongside, no other distractions like phone, tv, music, Strong eye contact, open body language ( no folded arms)
Along with the above eye contact and open posture use small noises like ‘uh huh’ or ‘mmm’ to show that you are listening
Reflect back what you hear, responding to both feelings and content, consider what is not said
Ask questions and be curious after they finish speaking
Some useful tools to support active listening are
Paraphrasing – ‘so I understand from your mail that you are not happy with how those meetings are progressing’
Verbalising emotions – ‘ and this made you really angry’
Asking – ‘ and after your feedback to the chair, did anything change?’
Summarising – ‘So the top three challenges with the meeting from your perspective are….
Clarifying – ‘ and has anyone else in the meeting expressed similar concerns?’
Encouraging – ‘so have you asked to meet the chair?’
Balancing – ‘ have you considered that there are broader issues at play here?’
Moving from passive to active listening requires intention, awareness and practice.
Try the following exercise with a friend or partner over the next few days.
Ask them can you practice your active listening skills on them
Use the tips and techniques above in the course of a discussion with them
Ask your partner for feedback on how they felt with this new type of listening
Reflect on how it felt for you doing this exercise
Continue this practice over the coming weeks with different people, situations
Practice, practice, practice
Let me how you get on with your practice and if you come across different techniques which help you listen more actively. If you would like to share your experience drop me a note here elaine@elaine-russell.ie